So much has happened within my heart and life. The “Revelation” I received was over a month ago, and the last part I’d written about it was as well. It’s challenging to write the other two parts after so much has happened in my heart from then to now. I did not even begin to write anything about surrender for part 4 of that series of blogs I was writing… but I had the post title because I knew what I wanted to write about. We could also call this “Forgiving”, “Purification” or “Obedience in Action”… or maybe “Brokenness”… “Uproot”…
Therefore, since we have these promises, dear friends, let us purify ourselves from everything that contaminates body and spirit, perfecting holiness out of reverence for God. – 2 Corinthians 7:1
After receiving the revelation from the Lord about where my anxiety had come from, I knew it was time to surrender. Surrender, let go, take it to the foot of the Cross, give it to Jesus. Not fool with or pick it up anymore. The root was exposed, it was now time to be uprooted…
Oh how written out like that makes it sound so easy to do.
But most of us know that surrender is a daily moment by moment thing. Laying something down at the foot of the Cross can take a lot, especially from someone who has a hard time letting go.
I left to go on an adventure with Jesus two days after I posted “Revelation”. Thankfully, I had a lengthy car ride with my Daddy. Car rides give ample time to think, process, and listen. I processed a lot. The Lord brought a lot of things to my attention. I recognized junk in my heart that I had to surrender, people I had not forgiven, repentance I had to do, bitterness/resentment I had to take to His feet, hardness that needed to be broken, and some stumps that needed to be burned out. I did a lot of this processing for the couple of days I spent alone with my earthly father. But I would soon be going away for two weeks with no one else familiar nearby except for my Heavenly Father.
A few events happened in the course of those couple of days that the Lord used to draw me into deeper surrender. It didn’t feel good. I had to battle my flesh, Satan, and lies that I’d believed for many years. I had to get over myself somehow… and the Lord had a couple choice events occur that propelled me into letting go.
When I had started to recognize who I needed to forgive, where I needed to forgive them and why… I started letting go. I started to let the Lord come in and heal.
I’m still in this phase of the process… but I’m also in the phase I’ll be sharing in part 5. It’s like a combined place where the Lord has me. I haven’t arrived… but I can feel His mercy in such a new way as a result of all of this.
All the years I’d tried to overcome anxiety myself, I had failed. I had to surrender my “strength” and will. I was not strong enough to conquer this on my own. Why had I even been trying? I really don’t know. This time, something was different. I had to surrender my pride, my will, my struggle… and let the Lord deal with me. Trust in Him with this very real struggle. I had to then surrender my “rights” to be offended by what had triggered this anxiety problem. I had to surrender my heart. I had to surrender my pride, lay my hurts aside and forgive deeply. I’m still here in this place. So much needed to be surrendered… I had created a crust around my heart. It had been building for years without being addressed… but the Lord came in and has been ‘uncrusting’ me, delivering and redeeming me, rescuing me (from myself and my sin). All within this surrender…