Clayheart

Outpourings from an imperfect but redeemed & treasured heart of clay.

Fearful, Wonderful, Precious, Fragile

I haven’t felt much up to writing for the past month. It’s quite strange for me and you can always tell if “something’s up” when I don’t write. I either haven’t spent much time with my Father, life has gotten stressful, too busy, unbalanced or I’m just not handling things well. Typically a conglomeration of many things. I still haven’t figured out what it is exactly that causes my lack of desire to write, but when these hit – they tend to last for a while before I gradually get back to “normal”.  I’m feeling more like writing the past couple of days though, and it could be because I’ve “let go” of some burdens and parts of my life I’ve tried to hold onto. I’m starting to like these times when I can’t write though, because I know they have a purpose and God is coaxing me in a different direction and showing Himself to me in a new way.

I’m understanding more lately how “different” I am, and parts of me dislikes to admit that because it sounds so self-absorbed or conceited – but I must honor and give credit to the Creator. I have a unique perspective on life and things due to how I am created, how the Lord guides me through life and experiences and who He is creating me to be. I often can’t even understand why some things hit me differently than others or why they even hit me the way they do. I’m deeply emotional and stuff processes deep within me without me even trying (that’s probably why I like to write, but who knows). Each of us are fearfully and wonderfully made though. I’m beginning to understand this more and more recently and beginning to recognize it even more with the people around me. There is no other soul, no other heart, no other life exactly like yours or mine. Every person’s fingerprints and DNA are unique and different! We are each created for unique things and to express God’s love in unique ways – fearfully and wonderfully created, each one of us. We’re a beautiful kaleidoscope and each person/life is precious. I often forget this miracle when I get so caught up in my “life”.

One of my close friends was in an accident on Wednesday – the vehicle they were in flipped on the road. I had literally been texting with them that same morning and within a few hours that same afternoon, I received the news (directly from them, thank you Jesus!) that they had been in an accident. They were just the passenger and were not driving. As I read and processed that new text, it was as if time stopped, and once again I was struck to the core. My friend was okay, nothing broken, but if even just one factor in that accident had been different – my friend would not have survived. I’ve processed this some more (unintentionally and without much conscious thought) over the past day and a half. In a single moment, everything could have changed. Now, I know we all “know” this. I often have it in the back of my mind and consider it weekly, if not daily. We all know that life is a fragile thing, especially if we have lost a loved one before or run into scary instances like the one I just shared. Yet it’s rare that we act upon it on a consistent basis.

After instances like the one above, I consider not only that friend but every person I know or have known. I weigh the preciousness of my family members, my friends and relationships, acquaintances, and even strangers and people of history. It fuels me. It pushes me deeper into the arms of Jesus and gives me more of a burning desire to live, act, love, and share as He does. To acknowledge the fearfully and wonderfully created humans that God has placed in my life to care for, adore and honor above myself. It deepens my devotion and loyalty. It forces me to face the reality of my borrowed time and borrowed relationships. It forces me to cling to the Cross and hold harder onto Christ. It makes me cherish, treasure and pay attention to moments given to me and every breath. It makes my heart break for the people who have lost someone close to them and for the precious lives stolen due to murder or suicide. It affects me deep within my bones.

I think people are afraid of this and of recognizing the fragility of our lives. We don’t like to face it because it’s a reality of how finite we are. It’s not an easy thing to look at – many even find it morbid or depressing. I find it glorious and necessary, because it reveals our deep need for Jesus Christ.

We need to recognize how precious each life is, because each is fearfully and wonderfully created by God. Yes, that includes yourself – so we need to remember this from His view and not our own view of ourselves. We need to remember how fragile life is, so that we can cling to the Cross and Jesus and to live our precious lives accordingly – to hold people dear to our hearts; to love on them, forgive, adore, serve, and honor each life as He would; to let His perfect love blast out all fear and insecurities; to treasure and cherish each person and each moment, etc.

I think the following Psalm that David wrote is incredibly beautiful and pertinent.

Psalm 139

For the director of music. Of David. A psalm.

1 You have searched me, LORD,
and you know me.
2 You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar.
3 You discern my going out and my lying down;
you are familiar with all my ways.
4 Before a word is on my tongue
you, LORD, know it completely.
5 You hem me in behind and before,
and you lay your hand upon me.
6Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too lofty for me to attain.

7 Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?
8 If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
9 If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,
10 even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.
11 If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me
and the light become night around me,”
12even the darkness will not be dark to you;
the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you.

13 For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place,
when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
16 Your eyes saw my unformed body;
all the days ordained for me were written in your book
before one of them came to be.
17 How precious to me are your thoughts, God!
How vast is the sum of them!
18Were I to count them,
they would outnumber the grains of sand—
when I awake, I am still with you.

19 If only you, God, would slay the wicked!
Away from me, you who are bloodthirsty!
20 They speak of you with evil intent;
your adversaries misuse your name.
21 Do I not hate those who hate you, LORD,
and abhor those who are in rebellion against you?
22 I have nothing but hatred for them;
I count them my enemies.
23 Search me, God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.
24 See if there is any offensive way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting.

1 Comment

  1. Brittney!! I am so thankful for you. You’re such a lovely writer, and this blog encouraged me so much!! I wholeheartedly agree that people are afraid to admit just how fragile we are and how easy it would be to perish. And as christians we have strength and bright hope, while others don’t. Thank you for being a light and shining that hope and message to others. It definitely touched my heart and I know I’m not alone in that blessing :) Love you and, again, I’m so very thankful for you!

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