“Revelation” is a word that I don’t use lightly. I’ve heard it used before in the church far too flippantly. It felt often used in an over-spiritual sense whenever I would hear it, and it would be coupled with things like “manifestations”… so my opinionated self often felt like the word was more of a distraction from the Cross than anything else, or perhaps I was just too young in my faith to understand it’s context (which is also possible). So I often avoided using it in conversation just in case someone else had the same experience with it I did and didn’t understand either. Yet, I know the Lord can give revelation and it is mentioned in the bible multiple times… hey, there’s even a whole book called “Revelation”, right? So revelation happens!

The word itself basically means making some previously unknown secret known, often in a pretty dramatic way.

Well, the Lord gave me a deeper revelation about myself…

Not only did he use “Exposure Therapy” to start making me face a deeper issue of my heart, and then use my sister to help provide me with an image/identity to the issue… but He showed me where it came from. He started digging up something I wasn’t aware of that had affected my life and functioning. I’d never fully dealt with it, instead I’d kept it buried and hidden from His light and my awareness… but as a result of not facing it for years, it just kept building and building onto my fear, nervousness, anxiety, and major hang up. Plus it had created calloused blistered scar tissue in that area of my heart…

I will be keeping the details of this revelation between God and myself, and a few others who I decide to share it with, because it may not make sense and may be so miniscule to some that it isn’t worth mentioning… but the point of this blog post is this: God showed me a root and gave me revelation about myself to address and take to the Cross. When all of this started coming up, I was weeping and literally sweating from the depth of which this was coming from inside of me. I had been sitting in a car for a while relaying the info out loud, so then when I had finished and had to stand up to walk… I was so exhausted, that I was a little slow moving and almost struggling to stay up. Sounds pretty dramatic, doesn’t it? Yeah, I thought so too… seems a little over-the-top, but that’s honestly what happened. So that’s why I’m using the word “revelation” this time, instead of something like “realization” or “insight”. My back was soaked with sweat, I was worn out and physically/emotionally weak after this.

I was broken and emotional… a secret within myself had come up from my toes and deepest part of my heart. It didn’t necessarily feel good at the time. But this revelation would start the healing and real overcoming process… I knew that Jesus was holding me. He needed my heart and spirit to be broken and weak, so He could start the healing process His way. It felt scary, melodramatic, and like I was just some weak over-sensitive person that Thursday afternoon. But I was right where He wanted me, it was time to surrender and let go…

The song that fits with this whole situation in dealing with my anxiety/fear hang-up is the one below… especially because of the “shaking like a leaf” part of the lyrics. If you only knew…