My spirit is heavy lately.

In the past I have shied away from hard topics to write about, especially with regard to the more spiritual things.  I ceased blogging for a while because I’d felt the Lord wanted me to.  I didn’t know what that meant, or what He would do within this more private and exclusive time together.  I can tell you that He’s done and is doing a lot.  One thing I feel like He is teaching me is that I need to be more conscientious of the manner in which I share.  He wants me to be more sensitive and aware of His Spirit in my sharing, rather than lazily lapse into self-promotion.

Previously, my writings have been just outpourings from my own personal struggles and heart.  Nothing overtly wrong with that, I let this blog be like my public journal with the stuff I felt was okay to share, and bearing my heart vulnerably shows my human need for a Savior.  But lately, as I said opening this post, my spirit is heavy.  It’s not a heaviness I’m wholly unfamiliar with, but it’s one that I’d kept quiet and locked away because it’s not as fun to share.

I am twisted and flawed, my heart is deceptive (Reference – Jeremiah 17:9), and I have not to date audibly heard the Lord speak… but He does speak still, in a quiet whisper, by His Word through Scripture and when our spirits are connected.  I don’t like to distract from the Cross, but I have shied away for a long time from sharing of deeper spiritual issues and things that the Lord has shown me.

I want to be much more aware of what I share on my blog, that I do not haphazardly spout out deceptions from my own heart and in doing so water them in whomever reads.

I feel a deep conviction on some of the things the Lord may be building up and preparing for me to share.  I have been reading in Jeremiah lately, and my spirit begins to sense the connections with my own life and heart.  There are intense truths hidden within this book that I feel His church needs to begin paying attention to.  As I’m reading through it myself, I was overwhelmed, convicted and repentant.

If you aren’t at the point to read Jeremiah yet, then I encourage you to take to heart and mull over these verses how they might apply to your life and relationship with Him.  They really shook me up.

This is what the Lord says:

“Let not the wise boast of their wisdom
    or the strong boast of their strength
    or the rich boast of their riches,
but let the one who boasts boast about this:
    that they have the understanding to know me,
that I am the Lord, who exercises kindness,
    justice and righteousness on earth,
    for in these I delight,”
declares the Lord.

“The days are coming,” declares the Lord, “when I will punish all who are circumcised only in the flesh.”

Jeremiah 9:23-25

I am slightly melancholy due to the burden I am feeling for the body of Christ.  We need to be prepared and drawing nearer to His heart, because there are tough roads ahead.  But this is not discouraging or despairing.  On the contrary, this is a time to begin rejoicing for our King wants us close!  So will you heed His calling, drawing, and wooing of your heart?  Or will you continue to ‘follow the stubborn inclinations of your evil heart’ (Jer. 7:24)?

I was following the stubborn inclinations of my evil and rebellious heart a lot recently, I guess that is why my heart is so heavy on this topic… I want to spare others the full weight of this lesson – I was unsatisfied, in turmoil, confusion, dishonoring, in shame and I grieved my King’s Spirit.  Don’t do how I had done… yearn to understand and know Him, long for the circumcision and filleting of your heart in true openness and humility before the throne… don’t put up a pretense of “circumcised only in flesh”.  You might fool the people around you for a time, but in the end who you impress with your pretense won’t matter because God can see straight through to your circumcised or uncircumcised heart.

He gave you free will, so it’s your choice… but do you desire Truth and real relationship with Him – or are you truly satisfied with deception and pretense?  Examine your heart and read a lot of chapters in Jeremiah, you’ll get a good picture of God’s heart if you really pay attention.  The character traits, His justice as well as His loving kindness and mercy. Beautiful.