So, I had a pretty awesome weekend once again.  It was anything from mundane and full of new memories, which is always amazing.

However, I now have a lot on my mind and heart.

I got to see a beautiful friend I hadn’t seen for almost 2 years.  It was just like it had always been, so nothing had changed in our friendship.  Those are treasured and rare friends indeed, when it doesn’t matter how long you go without seeing each other and it doesn’t matter what’s happened in both of your lives – but you can just pick up right where you left off without skipping a beat.  He may be the only friend I don’t go through the “warm up” nervous phase for more than 5 minutes… which is VERY rare for me.

This friend had recently had pneumonia… and had it really bad.  Sadly, we were on opposite sides of the country, and I was in the helpless position where there wasn’t anything I could do about it except pray.  Thankfully, we had talked on the phone not even a week prior to his admittance into the hospital.  Yet when I could not get in touch with him after finding out he was in the hospital (2 weeks of no word), that one phone call of course was not enough.  I was concerned and worried, but still also believed that God was holding him in His arms and was healing him.  I “stalked” his facebook to find out word from his other friends and family.  I attempted to contact him at least once a day, even though by the 3rd day I’d figured out his phone was out of commission in some capacity.  Still, didn’t seem like it was enough and I still didn’t do all that I should/could have.  Fast forward 2 weeks, finally heard from him. Praise God, that was a happy day.  Fast forward another week and a half, got to see him face to face. Praise God again!!!

I heard the survival story and all that went down from the time he was admitted to the hospital until the end. The situation seemed worse off than I’d even imagined (yes, I had worried that he would die or had died when I never heard from him), and hearing these stories straight from his mouth was itself a scary thing to focus on.  Now in hindsight as I process this some more, I can’t imagine what it would have been like had the story not been a survival and miraculous one and if my friend had died.  Seems morbid to think about, but I do want to let this realization soak in – it’s a painful one, but could have been reality.

What would I have done?  How would I have reacted?  What would life have been like no longer having this friend in my life?  Those are just some of the questions that come to mind.  Most of the time, we’d like to just push those thoughts aside and not think about it – but I’m not sure this is a healthy way to handle it.  I want this to REALLY soak in.  So that the next time I see a person, or talk on the phone with someone, or write a letter – I take the time to understand that it very well could be the last.  So that I don’t allow my foolish pride to come between what I want to say or show and how I want to express my care for them.

It’s so easy for all of us to not say or do the things we really need to.  It’s easier to NOT give that person a real hug or tell them how you care about them.  For some reason, it always feels awkward.  Our pride gets in the way: ‘What if they freak out?’ ‘What will they think?’ ‘I hope they don’t take this the wrong way.’ etc etc. We grow up in a society where we take so much for granted, that we’ve adopted this into our relationships (spouses, family, and friends, etc.).  I so easily fall into this and take those around me for granted, until I get a wake up call… but I don’t want to wait for those wake up calls anymore. I want this one to soak in so deep that I don’t fall into that trap.  It’s so difficult though.  Even when I saw my friend, I was only partially not taking him for granted.  That may be why a few days later I’m still processing this and writing it now.  Time is too fleeting and people are too precious commodities to let my pride or insecurities get in the way.  I want those things in me to die – pride and insecurities – because they are nothing but choking and trapping flesh.

I want to STOP taking people for granted and be selflessly involved in the lives of those around me. Stepping into their worlds just to get a glimpse of their hearts. Hug them like it’s the last. Ask them questions and talk to them like I’ll never see them again. Put my heart and soul into every moment, whether its with a parent, my siblings, a boyfriend or husband, my friends, my recent aquaintence, etc.  Even purely platonic relationships should not have to lack intimacy, should not have to lack love, care, and sensitivity – and should not be taken for granted.

You could wake up tomorrow without someone you deeply care about in your life. So don’t take the moments with them for granted, don’t let your pride or YOU stand in the way of loving them and showing you care.  Life is fragile – so give yours to the Lord and let go of yourself to really care for someone.

This song actually started playing on my pandora playlist as I began writing this.  I really like this song anyway, and I thought it was perfect for what I was expressing and feeling.  Why not handle every relationship this way?