The human condition is one of loss. We lost the only thing that ever mattered to us by an act of our own free will. We chose pride over True Love. We widen the gap of our own miserable existence from reaching our true Love by holding onto that deep bitter-sweet sin. I say bitter-sweet, because our flesh and sin nature find it sweet… but in the end it is only bitter and nasty. Our very being and nature hates this reminder too. So we cover it over with good deeds or simple justifications of our own “rights”. We don’t like the exposure of our heart-condition, because then we have to face what we choose, the poor decision we continually make of death over Life and Our Lord. We don’t like the reminder so we cover over it with more self, more denial, more blindness, more darkness to try to make ourselves feel better, entitled, justified. We’re lost… but we don’t want to let on that’s what we are. We go around and avoid our dark and hard parts of our hearts to try to ignore them so we don’t have to be accountable, and then portray to those around us that we’re ‘right’ or explain our actions or reactions as something justifiable or what we’re entitled to. It goes back to the fall that occurred in the first place, pride (sin), we still hold onto it every moment… as we widen the gap even more.
Maybe I’m just too intense about all this, or perhaps I’m not intense enough… but if we were all to really weigh the conditions of our heart and not deny the fact that at our core we are – selfish, proud, manipulative, controlling, self-ambitious, out for our own good, believing we have “rights” to certain privileges, lying, pretentious, cheaters, thieves, drunkards, sluggards, gluttons, murderers, haters, immoral, lusting beings, envious/jealous, impure, addicts to sin and fleshly desires, capable of deceiving ourselves and others, etc… what would it look like if we all looked in the mirror and saw what we really are? Instead of denying these facts… because they’re really NOT what we want to be…
It’s likely that most people will disagree with me, that’s fine… probably think “you’re too hard on yourself”. That’s ok… but I’d rather live my life to a standard God set for me, and not deny that I inherited and adopted the sin disease that is in my very cells and DNA. Because if I deny this reality and cover it over with my own justifications or “rights”, then I’m doing nothing to glorify God and show the world that I NEED HIM to rescue me from myself and the sin I wallow and dabble in… no, not glorify my sin-ness and remain disgusting to show the world… but to focus on His redemption from my absolute darkness and diseased body because of sin.
Actually pretty much all of 1 John is amazing to read with regards to this topic.
It is the compelling pure and perfect nature of Jesus Christ coupled with a sinful but soft and willing heart, that prompts us to come out of our denial and begin repentance, so that He can then begin to expose the darkness deeply rooted within our veins and redeem/heal us. The disgust that we were born with, every human, can be washed away if we’ll just let Him in and let Him capture our hearts… it isn’t easy. Man, it is so much easier to just live in denial and think that we’re “good” or doing just fine, that we’ve got a kind giving self-less heart… that’s a lovely place to be. We really don’t want to face the fact that who we are deep down is not that person. But it’s true, we are not that person… we portray that we are, and have the lovely pretense set up so fine and dandy that we’re pretty great at fooling everyone. What a great strategy and art form. Yet, we can’t keep it up forever, there is a day that we’ll see the true reflection in the mirror of who we are – and we’ll stand before God on that day and have to face Him, the One who will expose who we truly are. What will matter that day is if Jesus will step in, and if we chose Him with our free will so that He can intercede for us and we start showing His reflection instead of our own…
So, how hard do you want to hold onto that sin? Be it pride, selfish ambition, self, your own “rights”, your independence and way of doing things, your control, or whatever it is. Is it worth holding on to? Is it worth denying that you are this way? Face your true mirror reflection and realize that you can’t do this on your own anymore, you can’t fool everyone because there’s One who can see straight through you, let Him expose and drench His blood on the very things that keep you from Him. It’ll be painful, it’ll be difficult, you’ll want to turn back, and you might even turn back – it may be more comfortable for you to live in denial, that way you don’t have to feel the regret or see the disgust… but is your comfort really worth it? It’ll just leave you empty…
I was empty. I held onto these things. I lived in denial that I was an “ok” person or Christian. I knew Jesus Christ, and I knew He held my heart… but I have had strings attached. So if He wants all of me, then that means I can’t have any strings attached to ME – otherwise, who do I belong to?
I don’t want to lose my True Love anymore, or widen the gap between us… by holding onto ANY part of me. I still falter, I am imperfect, I still so often have strings attached. But I ain’t, repeat (yes, I used that word) ain’t, gonna live in denial of what I am. I am a sinner, and it is only by HIS grace and mercy that I am saved. He is the only truth I know, the only unconditional love source, the only REAL purity and embodiment of perfection – so I’m gonna follow hard after that Man, Jesus Christ.
I know this is kind of spastic, so I’m not certain it makes much sense. It is difficult to express in english verbage. Just know, that if you want to walk in the light – His Light! Then you’re gonna be exposed for what you really are and the hard dark creepy areas you thought you hid so well, will crop up in ways that you may not even understand how they got there… but the Lord knows you well and is the only one who can untangle your webs and get you out of this mess you’ve created.
Open your heart to His pursuit – He’s an amazing Lover of our souls.