My soul is in anguish. My spirit is overwhelmed within me. I cannot live a normal life… I don’t know why I’ve attempted.

I’m out of school for a short break and because I’m no longer told what to think about or what to work on, I can process that season for one… but I can also stop “thinking”. I am flooded with things I’ve distracted myself from listening to from the Lord. It was too painful and hard to look at when I had “school” and that “life” on campus to contend with, so I avoided and ignored what was truly going on. I confess, I acknowledge that I foolishly closed my eyes and ears to the Lord’s calling out to me the past few months. I didn’t want to face it, feel, or see anything. I put it on a shelf in my heart with the attitude of ‘God, I can’t deal with this right now…’. I didn’t want to feel like an alien. I didn’t want to be persecuted by my friends or those closest to me. I didn’t want to be looked at as weird.

But now, there isn’t an excuse I can bring before Him. This elaborate fantasy of “life” is crumbling around me. I’m left with only two things to do, cry out to and listen for Him again, if He will have me.

Can you feel it? The Lord is shaking things.

Can you see it? The Lord is shaking nations, the heavens, families, individuals, and the earth.

Or are we so numb and distracted by our own darkness, stresses, busy lives, media, etc? I know I have been.

I willingly numbed myself to His Spirit because my flesh has been too afraid to watch, too afraid to listen, too afraid to surrender. Despite my previous avoidance, I know the Lord still hears my cry. I cry out for mercy. I’m hungering after His truth in this world and life of deception and unchecked chaos. My sin overwhelms me.

Stop, look, listen… repent.

This is my current cycle. I am thankful.

There is more going on within the spirit than I can understand, than I can sense, but I know the King who dwells there. I have not the knowledge or wisdom to fully warn others in a way that can make cognitive sense. I just feel something deep within my bones, within my heart, and within my spirit. We need to wake up. We need to seek Him. We need to be ready.

The great day of the Lord is near—
    near and coming quickly.
The cry on the day of the Lord is bitter;
    the Mighty Warrior shouts his battle cry.
That day will be a day of wrath—
    a day of distress and anguish,
        a day of trouble and ruin,
    a day of darkness and gloom,
        a day of clouds and blackness—
 a day of trumpet and battle cry
against the fortified cities
    and against the corner towers.

“I will bring such distress on all people
    that they will grope about like those who are blind,
    because they have sinned against the Lord.
Their blood will be poured out like dust
    and their entrails like dung.
Neither their silver nor their gold
    will be able to save them
    on the day of the Lord’s wrath.”

In the fire of his jealousy
    the whole earth will be consumed,
for he will make a sudden end
    of all who live on the earth.

Gather together, gather yourselves together,
    you shameful nation,
before the decree takes effect
    and that day passes like windblown chaff,
before the Lord’s fierce anger
    comes upon you,
before the day of the Lord’s wrath
    comes upon you.
Seek the Lord, all you humble of the land,
    you who do what he commands.
Seek righteousness, seek humility;
    perhaps you will be sheltered
    on the day of the Lord’s anger.

Zephaniah 1:14-2:3