I used to write on a weekly, if not daily, basis. It was not only my creative outlet, but my safe place to express all that was within me – good, bad, and ugly. Selfish, sinful, triumphant, and praise-worthy.
However, over the past few years, my writing slowly faded away until I completely stopped. I didn’t like how or what I was writing, but really I stopped because I mostly didn’t like the reminders. I didn’t want to let things out on paper – because I felt like that made painful experiences became more real somehow.
I succumbed to my seasons of sorrow. I let them overtake me without a fight.
Since I wasn’t writing and because I was angry with God, I turned to other methods of coping with my pain and sorrow – including alcohol and boys. Yet I’ve still been left with the deepest emptiness I have ever felt.
I’m still unsure of how to cope with the wounds and hurts of these seasons, but maybe with time and learning to seek the Lord again, I will receive the healing I need to move forward. And I may start writing and sharing again too.
I’m sure I’ve learned a lot from these seasons, but rather than try to decipher what I’ve learned – I’m going to focus on Him again as I walk out of this dry and bitter time.
My soul is weary with sorrow;
strengthen me according to your word. – Psalm 119:28
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Lovely honesty, and darling, we’ve all walked out of many dry seasons and away from mistakes. It’s part of the journey and learning what’s beneficial and what isn’t. You’re God’s beloved, He’s never going to change His mind about how He feels about you. You’re the delight. He sings His love over you, that’s just the way it is. I’m praying you can tune in to listen to His kind and wise words, He’s never going to stop whispering gently and leading you. As we grow, we follow Him more eagerly, we know any other leading isn’t going where we ultimately want :) Sending you all the Christmas love ♡ Helena