In addition to my hopes of encouraging you, I will also probably take the opportunity to “spur you on” a bit and keep you accountable. From the deepest part of me, I only wish to build you up. I am praying that my heart remains pure in this letter and that Christ is in it, instead of the grotesque flesh that is Brittney. Please view my heart in this, with grace and compassion – because I only want to push you closer to Jesus.
After He captured your rotten beat-up rebellious heart years ago, He planted some new things. I have had the amazing honor of being able to hear only some of it, but I treasure and cherish these. Many of these “seedlings” that just seemed to overflow out of you, I was able to listen to. These weren’t just “good conversations”, hanging out, or you showing off your intelligence… they were different. I could hear your heart, little pieces of the core of who you are – who God created and remodelled when Christ began to reign there; like the heartbeat of you. I’m sure this kinda sounds weird, but I notice and cherish these bits of pretty much everyone I know. I can’t really explain it with words. But I just loved these moments and hearing your heart in that way.
You still struggle, with many things that you may not recognize yet. You can express things into words quite easily and intelligently – especially your thoughts; your heart is a bit slower in this area. But what many of us struggle with is the action behind these words.
You need to stop being so nonchalant about your life. I’m not sure if that statement is the Lord or just my opinion – no bible verses come to mind about that; but just please do not waste the life God has given you. Don’t just hang out all the time or only talk. Faith without deeds is dead. You have the foundation in our Lord Jesus Christ, so live it out. Carefully weigh the things in your heart that God has placed there, follow Him and do them. I am speaking to myself as well. I am a hypocrite though, and don’t have authority to speak in this area necessarily.
Did you have a sense of epic-intensity after you “got saved” and gave your life to the Lord? We all need to return to that First Love, hearts wide open and desperately abandoned to Him again. Not desensitized because of the people around us, the world and noise, worries about our future, or special plans and things we think we have figured out.
Friend, you still battle with an ego or looking good before men. You often use your words and intelligence to cover it up. Your mind is a beautiful thing and great gift, but it is also one of your biggest downfalls. I wish I could freeze moments in time, take you there and show you what I mean – both when you struggle and when your heart shines through and Jesus is there. I’m sure you know many of these moments though, but I wish you could see what I see too. You are such a treasure, dear friend, but it annoys me so much when you don’t act upon it. But I guess that’s how it is with everyone, I get this way with people I know at some point or another.
You are beautiful, my friend. Place your everything in His hands, every moment of every day. Hold His hand and return to Your First Love – after all He’s holding your heart. I care about you and love you, brother/sister in Christ – beauty, flaws and all.
Take care and journey hand-in-hand with the loving powerful Father. Live your life in complete abandonment and vulnerability before the Lord. You may look foolish sometimes to the people around you, but I think He’s worth the risk, don’t you? After all, Jesus was vulnerably nailed to a cross; complete, unconditional, unfailing love He was not ashamed or embarrassed to act upon – even unto death to show it.
I know this letter is flawed, please see past “me”. God bless you, friend!
To the current reader, this is a revised version of a letter I wrote to a personal friend mid-June of 2010. I never actually sent it. I found it again today and it spoke to my heart. I recall writing it and the depth in which I prayed when writing, so I hope you find encouragement from reading it as well. I took out some parts of the letter that were specific to the situation I was writing about, but kept the majority of it close to the same. We all struggle with sin in many areas, but our journey should be the same – pursuing Christ, and intimacy with our Father. If you are reading this, you are my friend as well even if you are a stranger, and I hope you see my heart and are encouraged.