Outpourings from an imperfect but redeemed & treasured heart of clay.

He’s Beautiful

So yesterday… the Lord was up to something!

That sounds kinda silly because the Lord is always doing something and moving. I just mean He was doing something special in my heart. I can’t say exactly what it is yet, but He’s starting something and I can feel it… He is faithful and incredible!

Each one of us is invited to have a personal relationship with Jesus, so do not assume that just because I say these things about my time with the Lord that He’s overlooking you. If you believe that God is overlooking you, then stop… that is a direct lie from Satan. I say this because I had once believed that the Lord overlooked me. And it isn’t true.

Yet I did believe that for a while. It made me angry. I would hear people say ‘God told me (this) and (this)’ or ‘God showed me such and such vision’ whatnot, etc. etc. ‘Oh the Lord is good, He just gave me a million dollars!’ (that’s a sarcastic exaggeration, but it’s kinda how I perceived things). I was jealous and angry at God… I literally would cry and yell at Him like ‘gee God, thanks… you speak to them and show them whatever visions are, but I’ve never heard a peep out of You. I don’t “dream”. I can’t speak in tongues. What am I doing wrong? Why don’t You talk to me? I want to hear you too!’

I used to think that anger I had was wrong… you’re not supposed to be angry at God, right? On one end it was wrong, when I was comparing my relationship to someone else’s. Yet on the other end, God later showed me that my heart that just desired and wanted to be with Him was what He loves and longs for. I was jealous for His time and attention because it’s what I longed for as well… and that kept me running after Him. I think maybe He is quiet (audibly/visually so) with me to cultivate a deeper desire for Him and more perseverance. I still don’t know yet, but I wouldn’t have my relationship with Him any other way. I want Him to lead the relationship and take me where He wants me to go and speak to me the way He wants to. :) And He does. He “speaks” to me not necessarily audibly, but through His Word, through His children, through worship/music, through visual moments of the day, etc. I just have to respond by being open and paying attention.

He’s personal… He created us each uniquely and He knows our hearts and what makes them beat. He holds each heart, each heart beat and each breath we take. He carries us through different things in life, be it trials or triumphs, because He’s after our personal heart and life. Since He created us each so uniquely, His relationship and pursuit with each of us won’t look the same. We just need to respond to Him.

Just remember and know that He knows your heart and knows you better than you know yourself. Always cry out to Him! There is no “right” way to cry out to Him, just coming to Him and crying out is the point. His response may not look like it does with the next person… He knows what you need and He has a specific dance set aside specially for you. You just have to quit thinking it’ll look like someone else’s.

So I was driving and crying yesterday…

The Holy Spirit sparked spontaneous worship and I was overwhelmed by the Lord’s goodness. The song, You’re Beautiful, by Phil Wickham was the backdrop and what I worshiped along with. When it got to the final verse of the song (and then the bridge) was when I was really overwhelmed.

“I see you there hanging on a tree, you bled and then you died and then you rose again for me. Now you are sitting on your heavenly throne, soon we will be coming home. You’re Beautiful!”

“When we arrive at eternity’s shore, where death is just a memory and tears are no more. We’ll enter in as the wedding bells ring, Your bride will come together and we’ll sing – You’re Beautiful!”

Please consider supporting either of my two 2013 First Love Projects (for CURE International or Show Hope).


  1. SO GOOD! He is always pursuing you :) love this, love the way you write and share with vulnerability! Love you! Talk to you soon, huh? :)

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