I recognized something about myself this morning…
I hate rejection.
What? When did this happen? Why is this? I wonder…
This morning, I merely received an email that I would not be a recipient of a scholarship that I recently applied for.
Silly isn’t it? That something so minor would upset me. Yet it did. I didn’t cry or anything, but my attitude dropped pretty low. I was really needing that scholarship (or so I thought). But now I see, God is teaching me more of a lesson in humility through this.
I haven’t faced enough rejection in my life, to be honest. So when I do, it’s a pretty big blow and I get the attitude of “GEEZ! So I’m not good enough, huh?!” and the fruits of the spirit (love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, and self-control) don’t seem to be apparent in my heart during those times.
Would I say I have “rejection issues”? I don’t know. I wouldn’t think so, but I’m not sure. And I’m not going to try to analyze to fix it or figure it out. I’m just going to take this newly recognized fact about myself to the foot of the Cross.
Let’s take a look at what this really is though… rejection? To reject something is to dismiss it as being inadequate or unworthy, right? So why would anyone who follows Jesus even have to feel rejected? Or better yet, get affected by it when it happens in this world?
We shouldn’t… but we do. I do.
This is something in my heart that the Lord is changing. I notice that when I face little rejections (that I blow out of proportion as if it’s the end of the world), it’s mostly when I am wrapping up who I am and my identity in what I do, another person, or achievements. Essentially, I am hanging onto my pride. My heart is not chasing after Him. My security, worth, and everything has been cheapened down to what I deem is important. Rather than what Jesus has deemed as important… mercy, love, and what He did to cover and redeem me. My security, worth, and everything is defined by that, the Cross – Jesus, and who God tells me I am.
None of us truly know what REAL rejection feels like. We know to a degree, but not to the level and severity that Jesus has. So as I gaze into His perfect truth and seek His heart. My heart is softened and my pride is broken to see what He has done for me. He is a glorious and faithful King! He alone deserves all glory. So when I feel or am “rejected”, I am now going to run to His feet and praise Him, for He alone deserves my heart and all glory. And because He felt and is very familiar with real rejection.
He was despised and rejected by mankind,
a man of suffering, and familiar with pain.
Like one from whom people hide their faces
he was despised, and we held him in low esteem.
Surely he took up our pain
and bore our suffering,
yet we considered him punished by God,
stricken by him, and afflicted.
But he was pierced for our transgressions,
he was crushed for our iniquities;
the punishment that brought us peace was on him,
and by his wounds we are healed.
We all, like sheep, have gone astray,
each of us has turned to our own way;
and the Lord has laid on him
the iniquity of us all.