There’s a song called “Losing” on the upcoming Tenth Avenue North album The Struggle.  Lyrically it touches on forgiveness, love, and the feelings that go along with all of that… the depth at which this song is expressing these things is intense, true to the typical Tenth Ave style, convicting and personal.  I heard it for the first time yesterday and cannot stop listening to it.  I’ve probably listened to it at least 15 times since yesterday and it hits me with something new each time I listen to it.

This afternoon as I went for a brief walk outside, I took my ipod with me and listened to the song three four times in a row on the walk alone (like I’ve said before… I have excessive tendencies that I can’t help sometimes… to be completely honest, I listened again after my walk as well but lost count after the 5th time of listening inside, shhhh)… a realization struck me out of the blue while I was listening. It goes along with the song and forgiveness, but its also a general struggle we all have.

Oh Father won’t you forgive them
They don’t know what they’ve been doin’
Oh Father, give me grace to forgive them
Cause I feel like the one losin’

I feel like I’ve been losing

Maybe it’s just my odd brain and struggles, or the things I’ve been or go through… but as I listened to the chorus section saying ‘I feel like the one losin’, I couldn’t help but wonder why real vulnerability, real forgiveness, real love totally does tend to feel more like you’re the one losing. Then I also wondered, if that’s the case.. why am I so afraid of losing? Why are we all so afraid of losing?

We’re afraid of losing someone we love, losing a job, losing a home, losing money, losing our pride, losing time, losing our health, losing our youth, losing our external “beauty”, losing our independence, losing our dignity, losing respect, losing our hearts, losing control, losing our minds, losing our dreams, losing our rights, losing our lives, losing our past, losing our future, losing pain we hold onto, losing what defines us, losing our memory, losing love, losing everything and anything we hold dear… we are just generally afraid of losing… with maybe a few exceptions such as losing weight, for example, but don’t miss my point on this cause that’s not what I’m talking about…

So as I’m processing this realization in my heart about “losing” and asking God why we’re so afraid of it. I was reminded of the following verse, so I looked it up:

For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it.” – Jesus (Matthew 16:25)

Read in context of that particular section of Matthew, Jesus had actually just begun to explain to his disciples that he was going to be suffering many things and killed, but on the third day raised to life. So he had just been predicting his death and was telling his closest companions about it. Here was Jesus, about to lose everything down to his very life, and in the same conversation of telling that reality to his disciples, he was asking them to deny themselves, take up their cross and follow him (v. 24) and that wanting to save their life meant they’d lose it and literally losing their life (as he was asking them to do) meant they would find it. It is also interesting because back in Matthew 10, when Jesus is sending out the twelve, he also says the same thing. And actually it’s even more intense cause he says “Anyone who loves his father or mother more than me is not worthy of me; anyone who loves his son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me; and anyone who does not take his cross and follow me is not worthy of me” in the two verses before it (v. 10:37, 38).

Basically like, ‘I’m losing everything as a human life, but it’s so that you can gain… so if you lose everything for my sake, you too will not only gain Me, but you’ll gain a restored relationship with God… real life and it’s intimate and eternal… so none of this stuff you’re holding onto really matters… get it?’

But it’s hard for us to GET this and to grasp it. It is for me anyway… we don’t understand how losing our personal grip on everything means that we’ll get everything we ever need. Instead, because of our sin human flesh carcass nature, we prefer to jockey for God’s position over our lives. We are afraid of losing because the reality of our nature is that we battle trusting Him completely, and we would rather not lose the control we think we should have over our own lives… we don’t fully believe that He has full right and access to our hearts, because our pride and sin nature would rather reject His way for our own. This war is constantly raging inside each of us, but there is hope (JESUS, YESSSSSS)… and that’s where another part of the song lyrics hit me, which I’ll share and elaborate at the end of this…

The following passage moves it deeper into my heart, but it’s so hard to fully explain into words what I’m really trying to say and I hope that I haven’t made this too complicated to understand (though I likely have) – but hopefully this will sum it up.

Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus:

Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself and became obedient to death  even death on a cross! Therefore God exalted him to the highest place and gave him the name that is above every name, that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.

Philippians 2:5-11

In an intense section toward the end of the bridge of “Losing” and the chorus (when, by the way, a choir joins in at that point making it even more epic), these lyrics to me say it all…

Freedom comes when we surrender to the sound
Of Your mercy and Your grace, Father, send Your angels down (Singin’)

Oh Father won’t you forgive them
They don’t know what they’ve been doin’
Oh Father, give me grace to forgive them
Cause I feel like the one losin’

I feel like I’ve been losing

Jesus came down, made himself nothing though He was in the very nature of God, took on our human likeness, faced all human struggles… losing everything but overcame the world to give us everything through real forgiveness… proving Himself worthy of us losing everything for His sake. He was losing His life to forgive and redeem sinners who have the free will to despise and reject Him, or turn and follow Him. So the freedom does come when we surrender to His mercy and grace… even when we feel like the one losing, we don’t lose because He give us life.

Hoping this made sense… it’s still difficult for me to grasp and I’ve probably complicated it much more than I intended. I’m just gonna keep running to the simple reality and truth of the Cross and Jesus Christ. Losing myself and being humbled in His love, mercy and grace! :)