The morning I got on a plane alone for the first time for my adventure with Jesus, I was pretty much anticipating my anxiety to crop up again. After all, I was about to be facing an overabundance of new stimuli without any “safety net” of familiarity to comfort me. This is the girl who would get easily overwhelmed and anxious walking into a new store with my family or close friends nearby… getting sweaty and tremble-y, meeting up with a friend I hadn’t seen in months… or panicking internally just having a sit-down conversation with someone because they might bring up something new or out of the norm that I may not be prepared for! How was this girl supposed to get on a plane, go to a place that I’d never been before, where I knew no one… all without anxiety? Was that even possible?

I was essentially doubting that the Lord was setting me Free. I was doubting that He could heal this part of my heart that had become such a huge giant.

Despite the doubting struggle, the Lord showed up in a major way. He met me right where I was and revealed His mercy and His faithfulness. He did the “impossible” in my life. He brought deliverance as promised and He didn’t let go of me for one second. I don’t say this lightly: I am testament to the healing power of Jesus. He brought the emotional, mental, and literal physical healing of my anxiety. I had no symptoms on that plane as I left behind all things familiar and “comfortable” into the new and unknown (a place I could tread sometimes, but in anxious anticipation and fear). I honestly have not had an anxiety symptoms since the Thursday “Revelation”.

I was blown away and still continue to be blown away by what He is doing in this area of my heart and life. I literally worshiped Him focused for an hour and a half straight while I was on the plane. Each new song that I listened to brought my heart closer to His and I heard them in new ways. It was incredible how hugely impacting His mercy and genuine faithfulness was on that flight.

So on that note, meet the real/new me… the image the Lord is giving me of myself through His eyes…

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The Horse (Mare)

The free, graceful, gentle, compassionate, powerful, bold mare. It may be more accurate to call me a filly, at least until I’ve had a few more years under my belt with this new identity in Christ.

The identification I had as a chihuahua is no more! Praise the Lord for His deliverance and redemption through the Cross and blood of Jesus Christ!

I’m learning who I am all over again… as I surrender these scars and things I’d held onto for so many years, I’m dying to that nature I adopted for myself. In letting go, the Lord is setting me free and making me new. My heart has always been like that of a horse… big, gentle, powerful, graceful, wild, bold and free. It has just been buried underneath years of resentments, bitterness, excuses of anxiety, and not believing the truth of who Jesus says that I am. The chihuahua was my own imagery definition of me… the horse is the Lord’s.

There’s a boldness and deeper conviction that He’s cultivating within my heart lately. It’s kind of a wild ride and major process of getting over myself and hanging on to Him as He holds onto me!

Everything that I am is currently being resown by my Father. I’m essentially relearning how to walk (and run) in this new identity in Christ!

He is so faithful, merciful, and loving! What a mighty God we serve!!!

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