I had an incredible weekend. It was seriously like heaven came down and swooped me back into Jesus’ arms. I just want to glorify Him and praise His name again like never before!
It’s actually quite odd how this came about. The Lord simply used a person to propell me back into Him. I hadn’t seen this person for about 10 months and they came for a weekend visit. He simply shared with my family what he will be doing in his upcoming season with the Lord, just shared his heart.
It produced some major conviction in me and deep longing for what he had. Wanting to get back to the place where my desire was to abide in Christ and follow hard after Him, no matter the circumstances. To just be fully caught up in HIM and not the world or my own stresses, my own opinions, my own “life”, etc. Just purely abandoned and devoted to my Father, with a pure soft heart.
After he left that evening (well, it was very early morning by that time), I had such an array of emotions and defenses. I hadn’t really known why I was so upset. It was like every area of my heart, my frustrations, my fears, where I’ve been lacking, etc. cropped up in a single evening… simply because this person was just being who they are. I wept and spat out to my family some of my deep issues amongst the anger, tears, fears, and frustrations… It was so late and we were all so tired that after about 45 minutes of this, we had to go to sleep. I couldn’t sleep… I went to my room and hit the floor. On my knees, in the fetal position, flat faced, completely open on my back… every vulnerable position possible for an unworthy sinner before a SO-worthy God. I wept, cried out, fussed, repented, and have no idea what else I was saying or doing. Couldn’t even tell you exactly what occurred, but God was stirring in my heart and my flesh was battling.
I finally went to sleep… the next morning I awoke with the thought of how I have let conditions dictate my love for others, and therefore have not been loving at all. I have not been glorifying God in my heart, mind, words, or actions – I have not been washing others’ feet as I have been created to. I have not been loving or serving the people around me and have therefore not been doing so to God. I cried again at these waking realizations. My eyes were so swollen from the night’s tears, that they were almost only slivers to see through.
On that following day, our family friend had left something at our house, so we had to return it to him. I spent the day with my sister until we could meet with him and my brother. We saw him only briefly, although these moments were just as amazing as the night before because of this beautiful human and his interaction with my beautiful brother – but we picked up my brother and within only 30 minutes of being with our brother, a similar thing occurred in him.
I won’t go into detail, but the point of it is… this person was just “being”. Meaning, he just LOVES the Lord and was being who he is, and the heart in him and his desire for God, was used by God to produce conviction and longing in (at least) two other hearts… by just spending a day or even moment or a few hours with him. It wasn’t just the person himself, it was Christ in him that was contagious… you can “imagine” (believe) then that this is what Jesus was like.
If we will just “be”… just abide in Christ, then how contagious will His love be in us and through us. This guy didn’t do anything necessarily “special” (he did, but I’m meaning like special actions or speaking engagements that we deem “Christian” and “ministering”), he just was who God created him to be and loving on Him and that love started moving into the people who needed it. It’s only contagious because the Lord was in it. He didn’t say all the “right things”, break out his bible and start preaching, pray/speak in tongues, break out his guitar and start worshiping on the spot, lay hands and pray for somebody, etc. Yes, those all can be expressions of loving God… but this guy was just in love with Him, and you could see it all over him, and you longed for what He had. Not because he was better than you, but because he just desired to be in His arms and glorify Him. The simplest child-like desire, to love and have a relationship with our Father.
It helped me realize, it convicted me, in the areas of my heart where I need HIM. I was desperately jealous of our friend and his simple love and freedom, just being who he is in Christ… I wanted some of that. I have it though, because we know the same God, we have a mutual friend named Jesus.
So I’m gonna just abide in Him again and give it all back to Him. Living a life of surrender/abandoned to my Father. Not holding on to my “rights”, opinions, life, “ministry”, perceptions, fears, anything… going after His heart to glorify Him and love Him with child-like faith for the rest of the time I’m on this planet and even after I get to see Him face-to-face. So just BE in Him, and let’s stop worrying about our task-list of things that have to be accomplished and properly live the “Christian life”. It’s not “Christian” if Christ isn’t in it. I wanna love Him, no matter what… and walk with Him. Who cares what it looks like to everyone else, He’s the One that matters.
4 comments / Add your comment below
Wow awesome blog!! very encouraging! I've been having so many ups and down lately, but your post reminded me of something I often (because of various circumstances) forget. It's Christ in me. He is in us perfecting us,keeping us and shining out despite our weakness. I've had several times of breaking before Him, falling on my face in tears and yearning for Him, and He has always without fail given me times of refreshing, yet I still often forget those times and so don't remember that He is So wonderfully faithful. But anyway this post was a awesome reminder,that His grace IS sufficient for me, and His power made perfect in my weakness! Thanks for sharing this very encouraging post. I was in a frustrated mood and I'm glad God let me find your blog to remind me to just…Be(abide) in Him and let Him Be(abide) in me. :) May God bless you as you continue to seek Him and May the grace of the Lord Jesus Christ, and the love of God, and the fellowship of the Holy Spirit be with you! :)
a brother in Christ Jesus (by His grace) :)
Thank you so much for your comment! To God be the glory! I had no idea anyone would even find, much less read, this blog post. It is such a blessing to know that God used this to encourage and remind you of His faithfulness and to just abide in Him. I SO very often need this reminder. He is an amazing Lord! I very much appreciate your kind words and encouragement as well. It is so often we lose our focus on Christ in the midst of our "lives" here on earth, we need each other to spur us on toward Jesus. Like Paul encourages: "May the God who gives endurance and encouragement give you a spirit of unity among yourselves as you follow Christ Jesus, so that with one heart and mouth you may glorify the God and Father our Lord Jesus Christ" Romans 15:5-6
Thank you again for the comment. I pray the same for you as well and "May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit." Romans 15:13 :)
God bless you!
Thanks so much for the blessing and prayer! Those verses blessed my heart :) Amen, God is amazing!
It's true, we definitely need each others help and spurring on. I find so often the truth in 1Cor.12:14-27 about our need for each other, and that some of my most "on fire" times for Jesus are when I'm being encouraged by another to let Christ reign in me. How I long to have the courage/determination to abide in the truth and daily take up my cross and follow Him. Yet even in the church I find so much opposition instead of encouragement to break the "mold" and live set apart for Christ. I do let myself be influenced by too many others sources these days that Christian fellowship (not just talking/friendship with other believers, but true fellowship/discourse about Christ and His role in our lives) is a hunger I think I'm often not satisfying. Yet, few seem interested (for whatever reason, busyness etc.) Anyway sometimes I get frustrated looking for people who actually want to live Christ, talk about Him and not just the latest movie etc. That I sometimes just give up looking and sharing(which is a foolishness I know). Haha anyhoo enough complaining(perhaps confessing), because that is just false perception and lies I sometimes catch myself listening to, but I love that God is bigger than it all, and that He IS always in fellowship with us and always rescues me from giving into my foolish apathy. So thanks again for the encouragement. It was great to hear how the Lord is working in you, because it reminded me, that He IS working in me. He is my source and supply, and that He is perfecting His body the church all over the world for His namesake and Glory! Praise God! Thanks for letting Christ shine through you as you shared your brief weakness it really did encourage my faith/heart. (it reminded me of the song "I Surrender All" something I forget sometimes that I've done. I am His and I need to stop taking myself back :) Thank You :) I pray the Lord strengths your Heart and forms the "clay" of it into His perfect likeness for His glory, because of His great love for you!
I am so blessed by your comment. Thank you. That the Lord can move in just a simple blog post – it just shows how glorious He truly is and that His Spirit can move in mysterious ways. :)
I certainly understand the struggle. I too lack in the Christian fellowship area and give up very easily when I do not find many who share this same desire to be set apart and abadoned to Christ. Yet when I am obedient and do share and fellowship, it does fill me up in ways I hadn't realized – because my focus is not on ME at that point, but on HIM and His children. Much like the whole blog is about, I had not fellowshipped with anyone in a long time and then God used that person to draw me close to Him again. Apathy had been present in my life for MANY months prior to that weekend.
I appreciate you taking the time to comment, it blesses me more than you know. To witness and be a part of God moving is always an incredible thing and is definitely an encouragement as well. That's very awesome that it reminded you of "I Surrender All", that is a beautiful song/reminder of how we should live and 'stop taking ourselves back'. Giving Him control of our lives and being completely surrendered to Him. He alone deserves no less!
Thank you so much, John! Be blessed in your pursuit of Christ!