My soul could finally breathe today…

The past few months I’ve been suffocating. Suffocating under the filth I keep trying so desperately to hold onto that I foolishly refer to as “life”. Have you ever had those days, weeks, months, or sadly sometimes years?

It’s like you’re floundering about, doing things or acting in ways that are contrary to who you really are or who God calls you to be… you know it isn’t healthy, you feel the toll it takes on your heart and spirit (even physically as well), but you don’t quite know how to dig yourself out of it and you feel too embarrassed to turn to the Lord because you know He’s the only solution but your heart has been ignoring Him all this time. Even though your head justifies ‘nu uh! I’ve spent time with Him here, here, AND here… see?’ going through the litany list and patting yourself on the back for all your “righteous” (self) acts.  In those moments though when the denial justification stops and you remember you’re not really breathing but are suffocating, it just doesn’t “feel” (pride) like His grace is sufficient for you, because you’ve been abusing it for a while and taking it for granted.

Then humility hits (sometimes HARD)… and you come. All Jesus wants – come. And you remember it isn’t about ME, how I “feel” – His grace IS sufficient, and that’s what makes it His; whole and complete, unfailing and relentless. That’s what makes HIM so awesome, and my ‘suffocation’ in “life” so unnecessary.

Yesterday, I climbed up to one of my favorite places. It was the first time I could do so in many many months. It’s a knoll surrounded on all sides by glorious mountains. The sky was an incredible blue. I just sat there with the Lord… and because I was reminded how small I am by these mountains that were created by my Father, I conceded my pride and “my life” once again. I don’t know how long I was up there… but I cried, prayed, and just spent much needed time with Him.

It’s so amazing when we just come to Him… He doesn’t make us feel shame or guilt for how we’ve acted or been. He doesn’t remind us of the sin we’ve dabbled in. When we’re humbled, we already know it, and repent. But He draws us into His arms and loves on us, no string attached. It’s overwhelming and beautiful. He doesn’t see us as small or miniscule, He sees us as precious and worth dying for. The wind that touched my face up on that knoll felt like kisses and He took away my suffocating, replacing it with His breath.

I just wanted to share about His goodness… all struggles and my own creepiness aside. He is an adoring, worthy Father! So just go to Jesus… come as He says come… just as you are, right where you are, right now.

Humbled, I listened to the reminders of why He made me and why He wants me to come to HIM and follow.

I was made for more than this world could offer me.

My heart to hold true mystery.

And my voice was made to fall on holy ears.

My life to collide with majesty.

Out from the ordinary. Into extraordinary.

This is a heart-cry, from my life.

To say I love You, God, I love You.

So take me deeper, oh.

I can hear You calling. Inviting me in.

Into the glorious.

 

I was made for rest, in a world that’s striving.

To lie down in the fields of green.

To set my feet upon this holy ground.

To build my life on the things unseen.

Out from the ordinary. Into extraordinary.

This is a heart-cry, from my life.

To say I love You, God, I love You.

So take me deeper, oh.

I can hear You calling. Inviting me in.

Into the glorious.